So how long does the honeymoon phase last? In my first marriage, it lasted a couple…
The question of when to move on from a relationship after a break up should be examined a little more closely.
Because the truth is, too many spurned lovers try and rush back into their relationship after getting dumped and then find themselves in a similar situation a short time later.
Now if you’ve been dumped or even worse, dumped twice or more and find yourself wanting to go back, then you’ve really got to take some time out.
Look at your situation from a realist’s view.
Our question to you is – why do you want to rush back into this relationship?
Think about it. Apart from something you may have done that was pretty low, then look deep within yourself and see if you can locate that feeling called self respect.
In this article, I want to examine an issue that most spurned people never consider…do they really want to go back to their ex-partner?
Think about this for a moment. Why does someone who continually gets spurned want to keep going back to the person that keeps hurting them? Why go back to a toxic relationship again and again?
It’s insane! Or is it?
People will point out insecurity issues. That’s true. But there has to be more. How do you feel after he or she hurts you each time. Does resentment set it?
Narcissists usually are at the center of these type of relationships but that’s an article for another day. In this article, I want to give you some tips on how to break out of this crazy cycle. Would you like to be able to say “no more…I’m done with you!”
When To Move On From A Relationship – Look At The Positives And Negatives
It’s strongly recommended you look at the positives and negatives of your relationship.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been spurned once, twice or more.
If it’s the latter, then it may be time to head for the interchange bench! Take some time out and try putting an end to this frustrating cycle.
Has it ever occurred to you that this person is just not right for you? This is the moment you say “now” to the question of when to move on from a relationship.
Take time out and make a list of positives and negatives about your relationship and also your ex-partner.
Be very honest here and don’t make excuses. This is the “moment of truth” time and the more genuine you are with your answers, the better you will be able to assess whether this relationship has a future.
But this can only be accomplished successfully if you go “ex-free” for at least a month.
Sure, the initial compulsion is going to be that you want to know what they’re doing. You’ll want to know where they are and if they regret their decision. Don’t make decisions in an emotional state. Wait for the emotion to subside then try the exercise below.
The truth is, spurned once and there’s always a strong chance you can get back together.
Spurned twice and there are definite issues with the relationship. But they’re possibly not “unfixable.”
Spurned three times or more and you should really be getting the message. What’s that?
That there are other opportunities available and maybe you and your ex-partner simply are not a good fit after all.
Make You List Now!
By listing the positives and negatives about your relationship, it will give you a good overview of how balanced your relationship is.
But you need to be truthful.
Don’t hold back on the negatives about your ex-partner.
It’s amazing what an effect this can have on a person’s attitude when they actually see something written in “black and white.”
There is something in seeing it laid out in front of you. Your “sensible meter” is activated and you begin to see things a little more logically.
You’ll find yourself saying things such as:
- They have hurt me over and over again.
- He/she makes my life miserable.
- She/he treats me badly.
- We argue constantly and it hurts.
- There’s no trust between us at all.
- My partner lies to me continually.
- I’m sick of being lied to and have had enough.
- I think I really hate him/her.
- I seriously wish we’d never met.
- I’m not sure I even love her/him.
- You might even come across statements such as:
- I miss having sex with them.
- Don’t even know if I still care about them.
- I would marry them tomorrow if given half a chance.
- I really think that I could live without them.
- This is wrong but I wouldn’t mind seeing them hurt.
- I just wish that they would start leaving me alone.
- I wish I was single so I didn’t have to deal with them anymore.
Answer These Questions
These are all signs that you need to take action. If you feel like this, then you must do something about it.
So, start making a list of positive and negative points about your current situation.
Don’t worry too much about spelling mistakes; just write down everything that comes into your mind.
This exercise will help you gain clarity about why you broke up in the first place.
Once you’ve completed your list, read through each point carefully.
Then ask yourself these questions. Make sure to be truthful in your answers:
- Is this true?
- Does this matter?
- How does this affect me?
- Do I agree with this statement?
- Can I change anything about this?
- Am I willing to try changing any part of this?
- Was I right to end the relationship?
- What happens next?
When To Move On From A Relationship – What Now?
Are you prepared to go through this exercise? If you answered no then you are going to need help from an outsider.
Breaking free from this relationship, especially if you get continually hurt, is crucial.
It’s an unhealthy cycle. It will eventually make you a bitter and resentful person. Resentful people in particular do stupid things. Don’t be one of these people.
What this exercise is designed to do is to present a “forty thousand foot view” of sorts on your situation.
Be prepared for an answer you’re probably dreading. It’s likely to be that you need to end this now and take your life back.
Are you ready for this? Have you got the courage to do it? As we mentioned earlier, it’s about getting some self respect back.
One more thing, if you feel you can’t do this alone, ask a trusted friend or a professional such as a marriage counselor for help.
It seems like it’s time to move on from a relationship that serves you nothing positive at all.