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Long distance relationship problems start with the obvious – the distance two people put between themselves and try to maintain a relationship.
Can it be done? Yes.
One of the big benefits of today’s advancing technology is in the dating and relationships niche.
Maintaining contact with your better half has never been easier with so many options available to couples. In fact, your phone is virtually your gateway to narrowing down long distance relationships problems.
Imagine your mobile device being the platform for your relationship. But only if it was as easy as that.
Sure, getting on Skype or Face Time together can help alleviate moments of separation anxiety and while it can provide short term relief, the longing for physical contact is still an issue for most people.
Long Distance Relationship Problems You Need To Know
Today, I could wax-lyrical about how to make a long distance relationship work but the truth is, unless you know the problems that are likely to present themselves along the way, and you’re prepared to deal with them, starting a serious long distance relationship could be futile.
Notice I said serious?
I’m talking about “spending the rest of your lives together serious”.
Sure, many people are in a long distance relationship but to be honest, many are still enjoying both the main meal and dessert.
If you know what I mean. In other words, they’re casual.
I want to speak to those of you who are just starting out and committing to a serious relationship. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
And you better be dedicated because there are problems to watch out for in a long distance relationship and anyone of them could derail your efforts to stay together.
Why am I so sure?
I’ve been there and made it work after spending almost three years living more than 10,000 miles apart from my girlfriend. That’s a story all on it’s own and I’ll tell you about it in another post.
I’ll just say, even in hindsight, it was extremely challenging and not something I would recommend unless you are prepared to make major sacrifices.
I mean really prepared.
So, what are the 5 long distance relationship problems to watch out for? Here they are:
Be On The Same Page
You both need to be on the same page.
If you aren’t, you’re better off staying casual and just do what people do in casual relationships.
Are you still with me?
If you are serious about making it work then make an open commitment to each other that this is what you want and there’s no turning back.
If you just want a casual relationship and your partner is on the same page then stay on that path. The advice here is for those keen to take their relationship to the next level. If that’s you then being on the same page is crucial.
You only have eyes for each other.
Set A Date To Be Together
You need to set a date when you will actually be together.
In other words, set a goal when the two of you will finally be living under the same roof together.
Why is this so important?
It’s like setting goals in anything you want to be successful at.
If you don’t, then you’ll just drift along aimlessly and before you know it, the calls will become less frequent and you’ll eventually just move on.
Until you have a physical date you are both working towards, then this whole exercise will be one in futility.
Watch Your Attitude
Watch for changes in each other’s attitudes.
Again, vitally important. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner if anything is wrong? Are you having second thoughts? Do you still want to do this?
Change in attitude could indicate several things including having second thoughts. It could also be an indication that maybe he or she has met someone else and decided the long distance thing is just getting too hard.
Don’t blame each other if this happens and just be honest with one another. Truth is, it is tough.
Life gets in the way and one of you has to make the decision they want to uproot themselves, leave their family and friends behind, and move to a new location.
It’s a life-changing decision so watch for the attitude change and don’t be afraid to call it out. Better now than later.
How’s Your Enthusiasm?
This ties in with the previous point but it’s also one of the long distance relationship problems that’s easy to pick up on. In fact, it’s one where your sensory perception will come into play.
You know, that gut feel something is not right. Can you notice any change in your partner’s enthusiasm? If so, something may be up.
Here is one telltale sign. If they are calling regularly and then their contact begins to become a little spasmodic, it could be a warning sign they could be losing interest with this whole long distance affair.
When this whole thing started and you both made a commitment to make it work, it’s likely a regular routine would have been maintained with your partner contacting you.
They call at a certain time or times, they send you regular messages, they send you a good morning and goodnight text…any sudden break from this routine could be significant warning that enthusiasm levels are waning.
Or it could just be something totally innocent. Again, you need to ask if everything is okay and “are you still in it with me?”
Trust Your Instincts
Don’t be afraid to trust your instincts.
If there’s a feeling something is wrong then there probably is if it persists.
It’s not unusual for this to happen when you’re such a long way from each other and separation anxiety can play mind tricks with you.
One of the ways to get through this is simply agree to have an honest discussion regularly about your feelings towards each other.
Make a pact to frank your commitment to making this work.
It’s basically a regular audit of your relationship and where you’re both at emotionally.
More Long Distance Relationship Warning Signs
There are more warning signs which we’ll discuss in future posts.
One of the pieces of advice I was given when I started my long distance relationship was to be vigilant in maintaining a strong level of trust. Relationships can go bad when one or the other partner has a low tolerance of trust.
If you are getting bombarded with messages about where you are and what you’re doing, sooner or later, no matter how strong the love is between you, you are going to get to the point of thinking this relationship is too much like hard work.
Who wants to have tabs kept on them during the courting phase. If it’s like this now, what’s it going to be like later. It’s time for a discussion.
Suspicion is a natural symptom of long distance relationship problems.
Don’t let suspicion ruin a relationship. It’s easy to start thinking the wrong things when you live so far away and are not with each other. This is normal in many respects so confirm your trust for each other on a regular basis.
Finally…Long Distance Relationship Commitment
A serious long distance relationship is a huge commitment and a big sacrifice, especially for one of you.
Whoever is making the move has to go into this with blinkers on and totally focussed on their end goal.
For the other, encouragement and understanding of your partner is required whenever they become a little tense.
If one of you are moving to a new country, going through the immigration process alone can be enough to discourage even the most dedicated person.
The idea of leaving your family and friends behind can really affect a peron’s decision when it comes to the “crunch time”.
Also, expect to get some cold shoulder treatment from those closest to you who will put a negative spin on this whole process.
I went through this in a big way. It was unsettling and may me feel a little lonely at the time.
Long distance relationship problems are not complete without streaks of jealousy from those closest to you.
That’s a given!
Commitment is utmost to making this work. Setting a date to move is crucial.
If you can’t make a commitment to make this work and can’t set a date to make the move happen, then it’s probably a good idea to avoid starting anything at all.
Maybe just enjoy the brief moment you had when you crossed each other’s paths and put it down to an enjoyable chapter in your love life.