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Any list of common marriage problems is going to include financial and in-law issues.
According to therapist Erin Montgomery LAMFT, LSAR, this is especially so with a young married couple.
Here’s a shortlist of common marriage problems:
- Arguments over money
- Interference from in-laws
- Lack of communication skills
- Stepping over boundaries
- Lopsided chore detail
- Different personalities
- Different sex drives
- Flirtatious behavior outside the home
- Over-use of technology
These are just ten but to be honest, the list could expand to fifty or more problems that can occur in a marriage.
The thing to remember, when people are looking for solutions to marriage problems, they are usually looking for one specific solution to one specific issue.
And that’s all it takes. One problem left unattended and dealt with can derail a marriage in quick-time.
Top Of The List Of Common Marriage Problems?
There is no one issue that tops the list of common marriage problems.
One couple’s issue will be completely different to another couple’s problems.
Financial issues could be rated on top although this is not a contest to see which problem is best.
While the main problem such as arguments over money are cited as the main issue, the truth is, it’s the symptoms causing that issue that need to be addressed.
Does one partner have a gambling problem? Does one partner have an over spending problem? Is there no communication or joint decisions made when major purchases are needed?
Lack of money is not usually the cause of a marriage break up, it’s the lack of communication between two people on how that money is allocated.
And this opens the door to resentment which could be described as the silent killer of people’s loving feelings for each other.
Resentment is a hard road to come back from. You’ve heard the saying, “there’s a fine line between love and hate”.
Usually the hate is borne out of resentment and if it’s left to fester, it’s bye bye marriage or relationship.
So in summary, identifying a problem early is crucial. The next step is communicating with each other on how to deal with it.
Unless this is done, two people will be married but virtually leading secret lives and over time, this will erode the love between them and as we mentioned above, it will allow resentment to do its thing.
Once that happens, only a miracle will save the marriage.
Are In-Laws Really A Major Problem?
Well yes they can be.
In my case, I loved and had a good relationship with my in-laws but knew full well that they liked having their daughter close by.
As a career-minded person in the media industry, my ambitions would eventually take me away from my local area.
I reluctantly resisted the move several times before the opportunity of a lifetime came calling and I couldn’t say no.
I moved, first thinking that my wife would follow with our kids but after a year, I was still on my own.
My in-laws did their best to keep her planted within close proximity to them and as it turns out, it was worth losing a son-in-law to do this. It wasn’t long before I became a single man.
Yes it’s sad but in this case, the in-law problem was one of stealth. My relationship with them was great but only if I played by their rules. That’s one instance of the problems in-laws can cause in a marriage.
There are many horror stories out there regarding toxic in-laws and if you have one, please share it below.
Meanwhile, Erin Montgomery says many young people have a hard time separating from their parents.
While this could be considered noble or just a case of being loyal to your family, marriage is an institution where young people are given the opportunity to create their own memories with their own family line.
When the time comes to “leave the nest”, that independent streak comes to the fore. Or so you might think.
That bond between parent and child should be released to a certain extent but it seems in many cases it isn’t.
The List Of Common Marriage Problems Just Grew By One
While doing research for this article, many common marriage problem lists didn’t cite in-law issues among them.
I’m not sure why.
Montgomery says while it’s an issue not often spoken about, that doesn’t make it less of an issue.
“It’s an issue in a marriage especially if the couple is young”.
“It’s a disengagement from the parents which can be tough if a child has relied on them heavily growing up”.
“So, if you have a hard time separating from your mother or father, that can cause problems in the marriage”.
“And it works both ways – for the male to stay and be close to his mother, and for the female not to want to leave the comfort of her mother”.
“It’s one of those things that can cause problems, especially early on in a marriage”.
“If you are trying to start on a new relationship path on your own without the safety net of your parents, “clinging onto the past” can make things very difficult”.
In the following Romance Repair minute, Erin Montgomery looks at the issue of the in-laws and the financial problems that can hurt a marriage.