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“I got dumped!” It’s a catch-cry we often hear at RomanceRepair.com and it’s a tough time for those people on the outer in a relationship.
Can we be brutally honest?
The chances of getting an explanation in the first few weeks are pretty slim. It’s a volatile period for both the spurned and the person who did the dumping.
Emotions run high on both sides. It’s natural for someone who has been given their marching orders to want to know what they did wrong.
But again, getting a response that is going to satisfy their curiosity is not really going to happen.
And so the urge to know increases. Many times, it gets to the point where the person wanting to know just intensifies their efforts to get to the truth. Needy behavior, stalking and sometimes, violence eventuate.
“I Got Dumped And I Need To Know Why”
“I got dumped and I just need to know why. I’m not giving up until I find out because I deserve to know the answer”.
That’s a typical response and as we said earlier, pursuit of the truth will usually get someone in trouble during this time.
One of the biggest mistakes spurned lovers make when they’ve been ejected from a relationship is talk.
Well, there’s nothing wrong with that you say but who they talk to will have a big impact on whether they get back with their ex partner.
If you have been or are currently on the spurned list, then one of the biggest questions you want answered is why?
Our emotions take over when we’re challenged and irrational behavior is the result.
It’s hard to maintain a cool head in the face of adversity and you better believe getting dumped is one of those challenging times.
Unless you’ve made a monumental mistake and deserved to get dumped, then wondering why without getting any answers hurts like heck.
Really, the only person who can give you the answer is your ex partner and I know this is hard, but put yourself in their shoes.
It’s also painful for them although that’s not something you want to hear.
Getting an answer which will satisfy you isn’t going to happen in most cases.
So what does a person usually do? They approach people who are likely to know. For example, family and friends. This is a big mistake.
“I Got Dumped. I’ll Just Ask Her Family And Friends Why?”
Seriously, if you are really hoping to get a second chance in this relationship then this is one thing you do not want to do.
Firstly, family and friends will usually remain loyal. Trying to get them to understand your plight may get you some initial sympathy but it very quickly wears thin.
You see, people don’t handle emotion and tragedy too well and will usually want to avoid any upheaval.
But the biggest issue with trying to get an answer out of your ex partner’s family and friends is that whatever you say, will usually get back to them.
And this will seriously jeopardize your chances of a reconciliation.
It reeks of desperation and needy behavior. That’s unattractive to most people.
You see, your ex wants time away from you. In their mind, there was a very good reason why they decided to cut ties with you.
Right now, the last person they want to hear from or get any reasoning from is you.
And this is where many people on the receiving end of a dumping hurt their chances of getting back with their ex.
There is no way their family in particular, are going to take your side in this matter and while they’ll sympathize with you, their loyalties are established.
So what do you do?
Well, for the time being, don’t jeopardize your chances with irrational behavior otherwise not even divine intervention will help your situation.
Take Time Out
I’m not sure how far into your break up you may be and what you got dumped for.
If it’s less than a month and your attempts to contact them to get an answer have been minimal, then maybe there’s still a chance you could get back on their favorable side.
I always like to ask someone who’s been dumped “why do you think you were given your marching orders and please be honest with your answer?”.
After the response I ask “well, if you were in their shoes what would you have done?”
It’s amazing how rationale starts to come back into their thinking.
So what do you do now?
Time For Patience
Just take time out. Worst-case scenario is you are out of the relationship anyway so what’s the harm?
Taking time out clears the mind. It gives them a chance to miss you. After a month or two, this could be evident but don’t hold your breath.
I’m being brutally honest here. Reconciliations are not a common occurrence after a break up where one person makes the decision to let their partner go. In a mutual break up, they are more common.
But this is a one-sided decision and as hard as it is for you to accept, you have to respect the umpire’s decision. Here are some things you should consider.
- Take time out.
- Have fun.
- Meet other people.
- Date other people.
- Take a cruise.
- Throw yourself into your work.
There are dozens of other things we could add but here’s the thing, if you are seen out and about having fun and your ex partner still moves in the same circles, what are the chances word will get back to them that “hey, he doesn’t seem all that cut up about the break up and is having a lot of fun?”.
Human nature is such that don’t you think your ex may want to know why you aren’t hurt and broken up? Surely you couldn’t be over them so quickly. Just some food for thought.
Just remember, above all, take time out and please don’t hassle your ex partner’s family and friends.
They won’t tell you anything and will usually be very protective.
In one case, a guy we’ll call David was dumped by his girlfriend and didn’t take it too well.
So he tried calling and texting her. No response.
His next step was to ask her family and friends. It just so happened one of the friends was a guy who had been secretly in love with his partner for a long time.
“Mike, I got dumped and I really just want to know why? Do you know anything?”
Mike proceeded to tell David that she was completely done with him and there was no way they were getting back together. He said he was sorry to have to tell him that.
David was shattered and did the right thing by moving on. However, several months down the track, Mike and his ex partner announced their upcoming engagement.
True story and definitely a candidate for a Lifetime movie plot.
So leave their family and friends alone. It can bite you on a couple of fronts.