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Knowing how to rebuild trust after cheating is one thing – putting what you learn into action is another.
Many start out with good intentions but slip into “bad habits” again before too long when they realize that their partner wasn’t as tough on them as they thought they’d be.
They relax because they’ll assume they “dodged a bullet”.
One reason for this is their partner may be a person of low esteem and avoids confrontation.
If this is your partner and you truly love them, don’t take advantage of this. Do you truly love them? When you give a cheater latitude, they are going to take advantage of it.
So if you’re serious in wanting to know how to rebuild trust after cheating then this article was written for you. If not, keep reading anyway. I dare you too.
Rebuilding Trust After Cheating
Can you really rebuild trust after cheating in a relationship?
No, not 100% but there are several things you have to do to start the repair process.
You will never have the same trust that existed prior to a cheating episode. Not in the foreseeable future.
One of the questions you and your partner need to answer is…can we make this work again?
If the answer is no, then move on.
If yes, then here are six things the person who has broken the trust must do before any reconciliation can take place.
Take Your Medicine
Many suggest apologizing is the first step in rebuilding trust.
Before you apologize you need to listen. This is where many don’t get a second chance. Many will simply take the advice of listening for granted but they do this at their peril.
By listening, I mean take your medicine. If you’ve broken someone’s heart and desperately want to make amends then you better put on your “big boy or big girl pants” and cop what’s coming to you.
Understand your partner has just been traumatized. They need to get something off their chest. Be quiet, listen and don’t say anything no matter how strong the temptation.
By doing this, you are letting them know you respect their feelings and opinion. There’s no right or wrong here. It’s just something that has to be done and while it will be hard, swallow some courage and just “get it done”.
You want back in and they “hold the cards”. One slip up here, even one “teeny tiny” interruption and it’s game over.
Apologize With Sincerity
Just “I’m sorry” won’t cut it. When you apologize it has to be sincere. No buts. You broke your partner’s trust so you have to accept responsibility for your actions.
If your partner doesn’t think you’re sincere then going forward will be fruitless. An example of a sincere apology is:
“I’m so sorry for causing you this pain. I’m totally to blame and hope you can forgive me.”
Not “I’m so sorry for causing you this pain but…”
This is an important early step in the trust process. You have to show your partner you are serious about regaining their trust and anything with a “but” in it doesn’t reek of sincerity.
Want to know how to rebuild trust after cheating? Let your sincerity about apologizing shine.
The early stages of the trust rebuild process is all about showing your partner you are sincere about your intentions to make up for your blemish.
They’re angry, upset and emotional. Nothing less than sincerity from you is going to cut it.
Now welcome to empathy.
Be empathetic. One way to achieve this is to put yourself in their shoes. Feel how they’re feeling. Understand what they’re going through. Own the pain and then let it show.
Over the top?
Not at all. You’re down a hole right now looking for a rope to help you climb out and without some visible and sincere regret from you, there’s no room for any mistakes.
Anything you say other than from the heart is going to be rejected. Be open in your communication.
Let your partner know where you are, how long you expect to be out, what time you’ll be home, how much you withdraw from the bank account and for what and who is calling you at any time.
Anything to dispel any suspicion.
And make sure you are sincere in what you’re saying. You’re still negotiating through a minefield of emotion during the first few months so don’t treat their feelings lightly. They are looking for any slip up right now from you and their trust meter is still very low.
Remember, your on a mission to rebuild trust after cheating on your partner.
Remember I asked if you’re serious about knowing what to do. Don’t screw up this step.
Rebuild Trust After Cheating By Being Dependable
If you’re given a second chance, the dependability factor is going to make a huge impact on your chances of a complete reconciliation.
If you are consistent with what you do and can show your partner you can be trusted to complete the small things, they will find it easier to accept you back into the fold.
Just like Ellie’s dad told her in the film Contact – “small steps Ellie, small steps”.
Small steps are required to lay the foundation for rebuilding trust in a relationship.
Rebuilding trust won’t happen overnight. This is a long game and you’ll need to be prepared for an endurance test.
There will be some hiccups along the way but if you stick to the plan, much of the trust you’ve lost could be regained.
Never Make Promises You Can’t Keep
Finally, don’t make promises you can’t keep.
If you promise to do something, do it. There’s no margin for error.
Yes, it might sound a little radical but you’re fighting for your relationship right now and don’t have any rights with your partner.
You have to prove your worthiness again.
If you make promises and continually fail to deliver on them during this period, nothing will save your relationship.
It’s game over.
How To Rebuild Trust After Cheating – Try This Exercise
The six tips listed here are just to get you back in the door…eventually.
There’s still another phase to come once that happens.
Try this exercise…put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes is highly recommended.
Your ego needs to be suppressed when you do this. Let me repeat – your ego needs to be suppressed.
How much do you love them? If your answer is “very much”, then you’ll have no difficulty doing this.
This exercise will give you a small peek inside their world right now.
It’s been shattered.
They’re hurting and confused and here you are presenting yourself as a new and improved mark 2 version of your previous self.
They want to buy it but need convincing.
Your saving grace is that somewhere deep inside their psyche they still love you and most times people who offend will get another shot because of this.
A lot of empathy from you right now will go a long way to getting you that second chance.
Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity Seems Like Hard Work
How bad do you want it? Are you willing to make some sacrifices?
This is not the time to let your ego get in the way. For whatever reason, you broke your partner’s trust. Maybe there were circumstances that led to it happening.
Maybe there weren’t.
But you’re reading this because you want to know how to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating.
And you need to know…it is going to be tough…very tough.
This is one time in your life that it’s not about you.
So, how bad do you want it?
There’s no time limit on rebuilding trust. Every couple’s situation is different.
Some get back together sooner than others and personalities will dictate the final outcome.
There’s no easy solution here in a trying and emotional atmosphere.
Just remember, sincerity is key.
Combined with empathy and dependability, your chances will be greatly enhanced.