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How To Feel Better After A Breakup – The 7 Crucial Steps To Healing
So, how to feel better after a breakup? Breaking up is one of the most traumatic human experiences anyone can go through. I feel your pain.
If you are on the end of a dumping, panic and desperation will be two of the emotions you will be experiencing. You’re probably going through them right now.
Relationship experts are adamant the first thing someone who is on the outer in a relationship needs to do, is take some time out. Not a day, not a week but at least a month.
Taking time out is the best way to let those feelings of panic and desperation cool down so you can take a more objective look at your relationship.
Panic and desperation leads people to do crazy things. For example, when someone gets dumped, their ego takes a hit.
The first thing they want to do is make their partner see the error of their decision. And that never usually turns out to be a smart move. In fact, it more often than not drives a bigger wedge between a couple.
How To Feel Better After A Breakup – Why You Need To Heal?
A multitude of questions will be going through your mind. Here are just a few:
1) How do I know when it’s over?
2) How do I move forward?
3) What should I expect in my life from now on?
These questions may seem like they have no answers but there are ways that you can help yourself heal faster and find your way out of this personal hurt.
What you don’t want to do is dwell on the “why and how”. Why did it happen? How did it happen? Could I have done anything to prevent it?
Right now, the aim is to heal. This is a process. You’ll go through a range of emotions from anger, to sadness to loneliness.
That’s normal. The key on how to feel better after a breakup lies in not trying to force the natural healing process.
You need to go through these. It’s the body’s way of healing this hurt which has driven an arrow through your heart.
If you know for sure the relationship or marriage is over, then start the healing process as soon as possible, even if it hurts. The following seven tips should help.
The first three are a little military but necessary if this relationship is over for good. All seven are for those whose relationship is “done and dusted”.
Then we’ll look at a situation where you believe there’s still hope of a reunion and what you must do and not do.
7 Tips To Help You Feel Better After A Breakup
1) Do NOT call them! There is nothing more painful than hearing their voice again. They’ll probably tell you that they still care for you and miss you but chances are they just wanted space.
Letting them talk to you about why they broke up will only hurt you even further. The truth is, they were probably trying to protect themselves by pushing away all feelings towards you. So instead of calling them, write them an email telling them exactly how much you appreciate them being honest with you and letting you down easy.
Tell them that you understand where they came from and that you wish them well. Then delete their number off your phone.
2) Don’t let them see you emotional! This seems so simple yet many people don’t realize this until it’s too late. If they see you emotional, they might assume something bad happened to you.
They could attempt to comfort you which could make things worse. You’re still raw with emotion right now and if this thing is over, the last person you want comforting you is your former partner.
3) This may be tough but avoid contact with them if you work together. Try to avoid situations where you would run into them unless absolutely necessary. And if you must meet with them, keep it short and sweet.
Get Rid Of The Memories
4) Get rid of anything related to them! Throw away pictures, clothes, mementos etc. Anything connected to them needs to be removed immediately. Once you start feeling better, you can slowly add these items back into your life. For example, you can put photos back onto your wall once you notice that you’re starting to smile again.
5) Stay busy! Having time alone isn’t good for healing. Find activities that interest you such as volunteering, going to school, working out, reading books, watching movies. Doing something positive will give you energy and focus. Also, remember to eat healthy foods and drink plenty of water.
6) Talk to friends & family! Talking to others who aren’t directly involved in your relationship helps you process your thoughts and feelings. Ask them for advice and support.
Make sure to listen carefully to what they say because sometimes we tend to hear what we want to hear rather than what our loved ones really mean. Those closest to you can see things from a forty thousand foot view so trust their judgement.
7) Take breaks! When you first break up with someone, you’ll likely experience extreme sadness and anger. But eventually, those feelings will fade away and you’ll begin to feel normal again.
However, taking regular breaks throughout the day will prevent you from getting overwhelmed. Go outside, exercise, meditate, watch TV, read a book or sleep.
How To Feel Better After A Breakup – More Thoughts
Even if you feel you have a chance of repairing any damage and reuniting with your former partner there are rules you need to follow.
And they don’t differ much from what we’ve outlined above.
What people fail to realize is, the decision to “let you go” was made for a reason.
Your former partner wants you out of their life for the time being. Right now, you are the last person they will listen too or want to see for whatever reason.
Trying to persuade them otherwise is only going to convince them that they’ve made the correct decision. And you can almost kiss goodbye to your chances of getting your partner back.
Also, even if you do walk away, don’t be tempted to stay in touch by constantly getting on the phone or sending a barrage of text messages. Taking time out means exactly that.
There are no winners in this situation. I’ve identified several aftershocks of a relationship breakup where the person spurned does everything but what their ex partner wants them to do. And that is, to go away for awhile.
Another mistake people who break up make is to get in touch with the family and friends of their partner. Why? It’s usually to try and convince them to make him/her see some sense. That is not a good idea.
Put yourself in the family’s shoes. Whose side would you take. What do they say? “Blood is thicker than water”!
One More Thing
As the legendary Columbo would say…”one more thing”.
Don’t turn up at places your former partner likes to hang out at and then treating it like a coincidence. This will only throw more “fuel on the fire”.
You need to give them time to miss you. If they do, they’ll make the move you’re looking for. If not, then heal as quickly as possible.
Another reason you need to take some time away is to clear your head and look at your relationship objectively.
As hard as it may seem, you need to assess the pros and cons of a reconciliation. Despite what’s happened, will it be worth going back to the relationship?
What are the chances that the same thing could happen again a little further down the track?
Also, by giving your ex the space they’ve requested will be in your favor. I believe that agreeing with the split from the outset and walking away can have a dramatic impact on the outcome later on.
Obviously most people who are forced out of a relationship for whatever length of time leave unwillingly.
But leave you must because as relationship experts say, the initial wounds need time to mend and only then can the healing process begin. And that’s how to feel better after a breakup.