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How long does a marriage last after infidelity? Timeline’s differ but the general consensus is that the average marriage lasts about seven years after an affair.
However, reports and studies vary quite alarmingly. Another report I looked at concluded that more than fifty percent of couples would divorce within five years following infidelity.
The scary part of this conclusion was that this was even after couples went through therapy.
With a divorce rate of fifty percent-plus, it’s no wonder that couples are trying to figure out the best way to move forward.
Despite all the reports and studies on how long marriages last after infidelity, the bottomline is that the damage has been done and any self respecting human being would be very leery about continuing on in relationship with someone capable of betraying their trust.
And let’s make no mistake, a marriage is a trust between two people. In fact, there are few bonds greater than two people who give themselves to each other for life.
Infidelity is in my view and insidious thing. When you’ve been on the wrong end of infidelity it’s hard to view it as anything other than that.
You’re reading this article looking for some hope. My guess is that you have experienced a broken trust in your marriage.
Answers are clouded right now. Where are thing heading? Are we done?
The truth is, the infidelity has happened. It almost seems pointless figuring out how long your marriage will last following infidelity.
But there are things you can do to regain some of that trust and make things work.
Yes, there are marriages that last longer than seven years after infidelity. Will yours be one of them?
Typical Effects of Infidelity on Marriage
Infidelity is a topic that many people are reluctant to discuss for obvious reasons. For example:
– It’s embarrassing.
– There’s shame attached to it for both partners.
– What will the family think?
– What will my friends things?
– Will I ever be able to show my face in the community again?
– I’ll be a laughingstock and the butt of friends with my friends.
At least one in two people have experienced infidelity in their lifetime. Chances are the percentage of people who will experience infidelity at some point in their marriage is much higher than 1 in 2. Infidelity can be devastating, but it doesn’t have to be the end of a marriage.
So what are the effects of infidelity on a marriage. Some of the most common effects include:
– Loss of trust, which is often difficult to recover.
– Emotional and mental strain.
– Lack of intimacy and lack of a sex life.
– Financial burdens.
– Uncertainty about the future of the marriage as a result of betrayal.
– Social stigma.
– Feeling like a failure.
In addition, infidelity can cause or exacerbate symptoms such as depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, fear and stress.
Let’s face it, it’s a nasty experience. I’ve gone through it several times all from my first marriage. You feel the effects from it for a long time.
Is Your Marriage Over?
The reality is that sometimes infidelity isn’t just a single event. It’s something that happens over time. You may not realize it at the time.
In fact, I’m certain you won’t because most people are shocked when it happens to them. They weren’t expecting their partner to be unfaithful.
The good news is that if you’re willing to take action, you can turn around your marriage and get back on track.
There are three factors that determine whether your marriage will survive infidelity. They are:
1) How well you cope with the aftermath.
2) Whether or not you use counseling and/or therapy.
3) Whether or not you decide to stay together.
These are important factors to consider before you start thinking about divorce. If you want to save your marriage, it’s important that you learn to deal with the aftermath of infidelity.
If you don’t know where to begin, here are some places to start:
– Talk to someone close to you. Someone who knows you well.
– Talk to your pastor or spiritual advisor.
– Go to a support group or talk to other people who have been through this.
– Get help from a counselor or therapist.
– Read books on the topic of infidelity.
– Ask yourself why you stayed in the relationship. Was it love? Were you afraid to leave? Did you believe he/she would change? Were you trying to fix them?
Conclusion: How Long Does A Marriage Last After Infidelity? How Long Do You Want It To Last?
This is the way I respond to people who ask this question. In fact, it was the exact response when I asked it so many years ago.
I couldn’t answer it at the time because there were so many emotions running through my head.
Giving a answer then would have been premature. It would have been given through feelings of hurt and anger.
Making decisions when you’re feeling this way is never a good thing.
I’ve found that deep down, people hurt through infidelity first time don’t want their marriage to end.
They want it to continue. They still love their spouse despite the indiscretion. But it’s “hit them between the eyes like a ton of bricks” and trying to process what’s happened is only clouding their judgment to make a decision.
Right now, they’re in the early stages of grief. How many stages are there? Up to seven.
I’m not going to go through them in this article. The plan was to simply give people currently dealing with infidelity a wider view of the effects it can have on a relationship.
The future will be how you decide to move forward. Will it happen again? Chances are yes it will. It happened to me multiple times.
I hope it’s one time and done for you. Not that it makes it better. But with the right guidance, you can make it beyond the next seven years in your marriage.
That’s if you want it. Let the clouds lift and then assess your situation. Every couple’s circumstances are different.
Trust is a tough thing to restore. It’s nearly impossible.
Good luck on your journey.