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Healthy Marriage – 5 Things Not Worth Fighting Over In Your Marriage
To maintain a healthy marriage, there are some things not worth fighting over.
The longer a couple stay together this is naturally going to become harder. However, if you have followed a well-worn plan, you should be able to “squash” any trouble the moment it appears.
When two people are in love and building a life together, there are two things to remember…husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands.
Men and women are wired differently. Women want to know they are loved and men crave respect.
For some reason, these two must-haves in a strong marriage often get lost but always need to be front and center.
Many arguments in marriages will start because either one of these two things are agitated.
Cracks Opening Up In A Healthy Marriage
Jim and Terri knew they were complete opposites when they started dating. But when you’re madly in love, a lot of cracks are going to be glossed over.
When they got married, their love was new and things moved along in a pretty harmonious way.
Fast forward several years and the scenario changed dramatically. Jim and Terri fought all the time but most of it was over seemingly trivial matters.
The good news is, they sought help. They enlisted the services of a marriage counselor who spent time listening to their grievances and then provided them with his verdict. It was short and straight to the point. “Stop fighting over things that don’t really matter!”
You see, Jim and Terri fell into that trap of thinking individually within their marriage. Their own opinions, likes and dislikes mattered and if the other didn’t fall into line with the program, they were going to get an argument.
And argue they did. Over and over again.
The Argument That Nearly Wrecked Their Healthy Marriage
One day, Jim, after a big argument with Terri, retreated to the bathroom to cool down.
And after a few minutes, he said out loud to himself…”what just happened”.
They were having a really good discussion about family before Terri innocently disagreed with something Jim said and stopped him mid stream.
Jim got his hackles up. More so because he was interrupted when he was in the middle of explaining something he thought was important.
What should have been just a minor irritation escalated into something neither of them had seen before.
From there, you know how it goes, it just simply grew into an ugly back and forth.
5 Things In A Healthy Marriage To Stop Fighting Over
So what was the therapist saying when he said they needed to stop fighting over things that really didn’t matter?
In a healthy marriage, these five things are not worth fighting over.
When you start to realize how insignificant they are to the overall success of your marriage, you’ll pretty much figure it out yourself.
This isn’t rocket science.
It’s recognizing when ego and self-centeredness starts to get in the way and “nipping it in the bud”.
You may even feel a little dumb for letting things get out of hand.
Conflict Over Housework And Chores
Housework and chores create more conflict than any other topic in marriages and relationships.
Often, one person is a little OCD and loves a clean house while the other just has a casual attitude about their surroundings and just seems to attract mess and clutter.
What’s the answer to maintaining a healthy marriage when it comes to homework and chores? Probably isn’t a clearcut one until the two of you sit down and come to an understanding.
You both have to admit your differences and agree to understand each other’s quirks. Then resolve to avoid future conflict by taking time out when someone’s patience is tested.
But above all, if you love each other, resolve to make some changes that will be mutually agreeable to both of you.
Sounds like a border battle between countries and in reality, it’s probably not far off the mark.
Kids Can Divide You
Arguments can easily start over the kids. Often, one parent will take the side of a child which irritates the other who may be trying to apply some disciplinary action. Nothing erodes the fabric of a healthy marriage more than this.
The thing you need to remember about our sweet little kids is that if they see an opportunity, they’ll play one of you against the other. Too many parents make the mistake of trying to become their kid’s best friend jeopardizing their own relationship with their spouse.
It’s important that when a child is being disciplined that the parents present a united front.
Children are still developing during their formative years and discipline teaches right from wrong. If you let a child get away with manipulating their parents for personal gain, it’s likely they will continue this behavior when they reach adulthood.
Couples who argue over something like this can really be causing harm to their own relationship. One of the issues will be resentment setting in. It’s not something that you can come back from.
Love your kids but don’t let the “tail wag the dog”.
The In-Law Syndrome
Do you get on with your in-laws? Many people do but also, many don’t.
Arguments over in-laws are common. While they are the brunt of many jokes don’t treat them too lightly. They can divide a house, causing major problems and sending a healthy marriage into a tailspin.
Again, marriage is about being a team.
Rather than letting conflict between your spouse’s parents and yourself continue, be the bigger person and call for some mediation. Start with the two of you and then meet with his/her parents.
I’m not sure what you’ll say because every situation is different but if you did something to upset them then apologize. You see, the older you get the less chance there is you are going to change your ways.
For the sake of your future happiness and if you truly love your spouse, don’t let the in-laws be the reason you split up. In most cases, it’s an easy fix.
Golf vs Girls Night Out
Let me guess, he plays too much golf. You wish he loved you as much as he does hitting a small ball around a park for several hours.
Are you actually jealous of his hobby?
This is one of the biggest argument starters in relationships. The same applies to men who may be miffed at their wife spending time out with her girlfriends.
Independence in relationships is very important. Some time to yourself can do wonders for maintaining a happy union. Having an interest or hobby outside your relationship with your spouse can be fulfilling.
If your spouse spends several hours a week doing something he loves other than with you, try to be supportive.
It’s not a sign that he doesn’t love you. In fact, by being supportive in many instances, it can only strengthen their feelings for you and the result? A healthy marriage.
Don’t Argue Over The Decor
Home decor is another silly argument starter.
I decided very early on in my marriage that my wife had a taste for good decor and I didn’t.
I handed her complete control over what went in the house but with one small caveat.
“Just run it by me first just so I know what to expect”.
This is important just for the fact that we get on the same page.
This was especially so if it was going to affect my own personal space.
Healthy Marriage – Final Thoughts
Fighting in marriage is part and parcel of growing together as a couple. Unless a lesson is learned then it’s really meaningless.
Even more meaningless is fighting over things that are really just trivial. As the therapist told Jim and Terri, some things don’t matter and are not worth fighting over.
When they worked on this and performed some of the exercises they were given, things changed for the better in a big way. Yes you might want to make your point and win the argument but in the end, is it really worth it? What do you gain? Victory?
Perhaps, but every time you do, you chip away at that layer of love and once there’s a crack in it, resentment finds its way in. As I mentioned earlier, once this permeates your relationship, the finish line won’t be far away.
Can you be the bigger person?