Learning how to heal from a toxic relationship requires you to be in the moment. Unless…
We are going to name the best marriage self help books everyone should be reading.
The truth is, the answers to all your marriage problems won’t be found in just one book. It’s likely you’ll need to read several.
Another caveat we want to make is that if your marriage is in trouble, a book isn’t going to fix it.
The best marriage self help books are like taking vitamins. They are more a preventative measure rather than the cure.
By taking the advice they provide, you can “nip potential problems in the bud” before they “rear their ugly head”.
If your marriage is already in trouble, then put the books aside and head to a marriage counselor. That means both of you. Just one spouse fighting for their marriage won’t save it. It needs both of you working in tandem for a common goal.
The 5 Best Marriage Self Help Books
The following list of the best marriage self help books were provided by our resident expert Erin Montgomery LAMFT, LSAR.
She rates The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman as her top pick.
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts
- The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide From The Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love
- Wired For Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain And Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict And Build A Secure Relationship
- The Mastery Of Love: A Practical Guide To The Art Of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book
“Understanding how we all experience and express love differently can really help expand our understanding of our partner”.
“That’s because they may not have the same language as we do. I use this principle all the time in practice”.
Montgomery was quick to reiterate that while marriage self books are positive and powerful, they won’t fix a marriage. That’s unless two people are on the same page putting the principles to work.
Reviewing The Top 5 Marriage Books
Here’s a quick review of each of the five books recommended:
The 5 Love Languages has developed into a modern day classic. One of the problems with marriages is keeping them fresh. The 5 Love Languages certainly shows couples how to do that and more. This guide is particularly useful to couples who lead a busy lifestyle.
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work centers on making a marriage last. There are principles at work when marriages last a lifetime. Dr. Gottman, through observation of couples over many years, reveals the habits, big or small, that kill relationships. When you know what these are, you know the answer to making your marriage last.
Hold Me Tight is a somewhat controversial marriage guide but it’s effectiveness to boost the connection two people have in a relationship can only be described as amazing. Sue Johnson may have got some criticism when this was first released, but she is having the last laugh. And so are couples prepared to put her theories of saving and enriching their marriage to work.
Wired For Love goes straight to the heart of every person’s desire in a relationship – understanding their partner and what makes them tick. While this may be more directed to women, guys, if you really want to elevate yourself to your partner’s next level respect rating, read this book and apply its principles.
The Mastery Of Love probably doesn’t get onto many marriage self help book lists but this is must reading according to Montgomery. It gets to the core of healing any emotional wounds that fester in a marriage. Emotional wounds are so dangerous. If left untreated, they’ll cause resentment and once this sets in, it’s virtually “curtains down” on any relationship.
Don’t Try And Fix Your Marriage On Your Own
While self help books are great, where someone could get themselves in trouble in their relationship, is going down the self help route on their own.
When someone is learning how to fix their marriage on their own without their partner’s knowledge, that’s going down a dangerous route.
How would you feel if someone suddenly started behaving differently?
If they started going against their normal pattern of behavior without warning?
Would you think something isn’t quite right here? Or that this seems a “little fishy” to me?
Montgomery warns against going down this path.
“It very well can be going down a dangerous path, especially if it comes out of the blue”.
“There’s a specific technique that you’re trying to apply and your partners like, ‘why are you doing this. I don’t understand’.”
“And especially if they don’t even know that there’s a problem”.
“And then all of a sudden there’s solutions being applied to a problem that they didn’t even know existed. That can be alarming”.
“It’s something couples should do together. Absolutely”.