What is a limerence affair? Limerence is a state of mind. It's where someone is completely…
Bad Marriage – 13 Top Signs Your Marriage Could Be Toxic
These are signs of a bad marriage you should look out for if your relationship with your spouse isn’t going well.
Or even if it already has gone south.
If any one of these apply to you, then maybe it’s time to get some help before it gets worse.
Just remember, one or two of these signs in isolation doesn’t mean a marriage is bad.
It could be easily rectified with some well worn advice.
But when several of these are in play, then there is cause for concern. Here are thirteen signs you should look out for:
- You’re always fighting over something stupid like who left their socks on the floor or what kind of cereal they want for breakfast.
- Your partner doesn’t listen when you talk to them anymore. They just don’t care.
- You feel as though you have no friends anymore. All your old ones seem to be avoiding you now.
- You can’t stand being around each other anymore. There seems to be nothing good between you two.
- You’ve been arguing so much lately that you haven’t had sex since last week.
- You keep asking yourself “Why am I still here?”
- When you were first married, you thought you’d never leave them. Now you think you’ll never stay away from them again.
- You find yourself talking more than listening to people.
- You start thinking about getting back together with someone else.
- You’re spending most of your free time alone instead of hanging out with your family and friends.
- You try to make up for lost times by spending money you don’t have.
- You stop doing fun stuff with your kids. Instead you sit home watching TV all day long.
- You’re beginning to lose interest in everything except your own problems.
Are These Bad Marriage Signs At Play In Your Home?
A bad marriage isn’t hard to spot normally. Couples are usually good at hiding issues in a marriage when it comes to hanging out with acquaintances.
But close friends and family will detect something is wrong…eventually. They always do. That’s because they know you best and can quickly detect a change in attitude and behavior.
I’ve listed thirteen telltale signs of a bad marriage above. Some of these will happen during the course of every marriage. Most times they can be fixed. It’s amazing what seems like a calamity to some couples are seen as an easy fix to someone looking in from the outside.
But when they persist, it could be time to get some help from a trusted advisor like a marriage counselor.
Marriage expert Erin Montgomery LAMFT, LSAR says couples who have tried to work through issues on their own without success should consider seeing a marriage counselor.
The problem in this situation is that one person will get on board in trying to fix the issue but the other person may only be half-hearted in their efforts to find a solution.
How Can Marriage Counseling Help A Bad Relationship?
Montgomery says for any issue to be resolved in a bad marriage, both people need to be on board one hundred per cent.
Many people seem to dismiss marriage counseling mainly because of the stigma attached to it.
As we said earlier, people are good at hiding issues in their marriage. Many couples would rather hide their issues to save face with their friends and family.
And they’d rather live in misery behind closed doors while putting on a brave face in public.
“If you have tried and tried to communicate with each other and you’re still not getting it and you’re still not able to get your points across and work through things, then a marriage counselor can certainly help you”.
“They can help you with your communication styles. They can slow you down and explore the reasons why you may be getting angry or defensive when it’s not called for”.
“You can explore different attachment styles you know, what was your relationship with your parents that is causing you to have difficulties here in this current relationship?”
“Or, you know, even exploring each other’s different cultural values which I think a lot of people take for granted because each of us has grown up in a completely different cultural world”.
“And to be able to explore those together and look at the patterns through the different generations”.
“Things that have trickled down over generations and understand perhaps why you behave a particular way”.
“And why you expect your spouse to react a particular way and when they don’t, it can be frustrating and confusing”.
“I think that counseling can really help those things. It broadens your understanding of how you became who you are and how to move forward together”.
The Connection Between Bad Marriages And The Forest
Montgomery says many couples will leave it too late before seeing a counselor.
If you are in a situation where you need some guidance, start with talking to a trusted friend or family member.
Or talk to your local parish pastor.
Montgomery says most couples can’t see the forest for the trees. That’s why it’s a great option to talk to a counselor who can give couples a forty thousand foot view of their situation.
Many times the issue may seem severe to you but in the grand scheme of things, it could be minor.
That’s the advantage of seeking the advice of a counselor. They could see a quick fix to your issue where you couldn’t.
But are all problems in a bad marriage solvable by a marriage counselor.
Montgomery responded with a definite series of no’s.
For any issues in a marriage to be resolved, she says that both people need to be on board.
Without a full, one hundred percent commitment from either person, the solutions will most probably fail.
“No, no, no. There’s going to be problems that will need full commitment from both spouses. It may require one or both spouses to change. If they don’t, the solutions are not going to work”.